Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of osigat's best tweets

@osigat : ? Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near? Just like me, they long to be... ? Wait, hang on...my bad, those are vultures.

@osigat: My boss just choked on a breath mint. It was a tough decision to do the Heimlich maneuver because he really needed that mint.

@osigat: I've been called a lot of names but "designated driver" was never one of them.

@osigat: When I was young, I wanted to date a doctor for money. How superficial was that? Now it would be for the prescriptions.

@osigat: People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous.

@osigat: <- I've been drinking for almost 6 hours. If you see something wash up on shore that looks like this, please identify me.

@osigat: When I go out in public with my brother; people think he is my boyfriend, which is crazy because we broke up over 12 years ago.