Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of peeznuts's best tweets

@peeznuts : *standing behind home plate* -Beware of my dog-like reflexes. -Shouldn't it be cat-like reflexes? *catches baseball with my face*

@peeznuts: *pretending to talk on my phone so I don't look like a loser standing by myself*

-Haha yea dude last night was craz-
*phone starts ringing*

@peeznuts: Child in a car: Strap them to the seat or you will be fined and jailed.

Bus full of children: They'll be fine just throw em in there.

@peeznuts: Cop- Do you have any drugs in the vehicle?

-No, go fish.

@peeznuts: -Give it to me straight doc.
-You'll never walk again.
-Now give it to me gay.
-You'll never stroll merrily down the boardwalk again.