@phalguy: Whoever came up with the slogan Diamonds are Forever, obviously never had herpes.
@phalguy: 10: What does AF mean?
After Flossing. Now go brush your teeth and they will be clean AF.
Why do you ask?
10: Mom said you were lazy AF.
@phalguy: Realtor: This house here comes with a playroom
Wife: Oh, the kids will love that!
Realtor: It's not that kind of playroom
@phalguy: After watching Star Wars 20 told me he probably wouldn't go and see it again.
And now I'm thinking he looks a lot like my old mailman.
@phalguy: [At dentist]
Dentist: Any plans for the weekend?
Dentist: I'm not doing anything either.
@phalguy: I wrote a book titled:
How Dragons Are Greater Than Unicorns
Daenerys Targaryen wrote the foreword.
All she wrote was: No shit Sherlock!