@poutinesmoothie : If you lean back in a chair and put your feet up on the desk, everything you say will be beaming with confidence and bravado especially if it’s not your office.
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@poutinesmoothie: Peanut brittle, because you have a craving for peanut butter and ceramic tile.
@poutinesmoothie: It’s really disturbing how that bear family in those Charmin commercials are so open with each other about shitting.
@poutinesmoothie: Sure stepping on a Lego is painful, but have you ever twisted your ankle tripping over a cold and shamed Natalie Imbruglia lying naked on the floor?
@poutinesmoothie: [knock on my front door]
Me: *pulls out finger gun and looks through peephole* Who's there? What do you want?
Delivery Man: You ordered a pizza?
Me: *holsters finger gun* yeah, that's right, sorry... *opens door*
Delivery Man: *shoots me with finger gun*
@poutinesmoothie: *bends over to pick a four leaf clover but gets struck by a falling ACME safe before doing so*
@poutinesmoothie: Whenever I hear snapping, I always fear I’m walking into a battle between rival gangs from West Side Story.
@poutinesmoothie: Lactose intolerant means you shouldn't eat dairy products.
Lack Toast & Tolerant means you don't have any toast and you're okay with it.
@poutinesmoothie: I like to sing Mambo No. 5 but replace the names of the women with various types of cheese.