Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of punmagnate's best tweets

@punmagnate : Hold on, you guys. Turns out the person with bad opinions is extremely attractive. I'm on their side now.

@punmagnate: INTERVIEWER: tell me about a time you refused to compromise
ME: no

@punmagnate: What idiot called them astronomers and not skyentists

@punmagnate: If you're unsure if you're pregnant or not that's called a maby

@punmagnate: MAYOR'S TIP: before you spend 20 minutes blowing an air mattress, make sure it's really an air mattress, and not Gary hiding under a blanket

@punmagnate: "Name?" queries the Starbucks barista. The almighty feathered serpent Quetzalcoatl only sighs.

@punmagnate: I came up with a new word yesterday: Plagiarism

@punmagnate: Sup girl, I hear u like bad boys
*I open the wrong side of juice carton*
*evil spirit flies out*
Oh, so that's why they say don't do that

@punmagnate: Worm CEO cuts workforce in half, doubles productivity

@punmagnate: Accidentally made eye contact w/co-worker thru bathroom stall door crack. Didn't know what to do so I blew him a kiss