@punmagnate: MAYOR'S TIP: before you spend 20 minutes blowing an air mattress, make sure it's really an air mattress, and not Gary hiding under a blanket
@punmagnate: "Name?" queries the Starbucks barista. The almighty feathered serpent Quetzalcoatl only sighs.
@punmagnate: Sup girl, I hear u like bad boys
*I open the wrong side of juice carton*
*evil spirit flies out*
Oh, so that's why they say don't do that
@punmagnate: Accidentally made eye contact w/co-worker thru bathroom stall door crack. Didn't know what to do so I blew him a kiss