Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of robfee's best tweets

@robfee : The best thing to do on New Years Eve is set the microwave timer with the countdown so the first thing that happens that year is Pizza Rolls

@robfee: Here lies Aunt Brenda. Trampled to death on the day after Thanksgiving trying to save $18 on a crock pot. Rest in peace, sweet angel.

@robfee: Fox News: Trump looks strong!
CNN: Hillary should get the win!
MSNBC: If you put a buncha hot dogs in a hamburger bun, is that a sandwich???

@robfee: There's not a day that goes by where I don't think about that Backstreet Boy asking his pals, "am I sexual?" & they're like, "yeah."

@robfee: If the ESPN Fantasy Football app were slower and unreliable it would be playing quarterback for the Bears.

@robfee: No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a b&e.

@robfee: No one is more unnecessarily confident than a white person that just ordered Mexican food in a Spanish accent.

@robfee: Frozen (2013): A girl with magical powers causes adults to talk nonstop about a movie for children

@robfee: Dads in horror movies always have the most chill explanations.
"Our son is covered in pentagrams!"
Well maybe he's just allergic to dairy.

@robfee: A guy on Catfish dated a girl for 4 years despite only seeing ONE picture of her. I wouldn't buy a futon on Craigslist with only one pic.