Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of robfee's best tweets

@robfee : Relationships are just two people scrolling through Netflix saying "I don't care, just pick something" until they both turn into skeletons.

@robfee: If LeBron is better than Jordan, then explain to me why Bugs Bunny has never asked for his help in a game in space. Can't argue with facts.

@robfee: Sorry pregnant ladies, all of your 3D ultrasounds look like Gollum in an Ikea lampshade.

@robfee: Everyone in horror movies:
*Loud scream*
It was probably just the wind.
*Ghost flies across room*
Just the wind.
*Dog gets cut in half*
Wind

@robfee: Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows (2011) A bunch of adults trash a high school bc a noseless man thinks a child is better than him at magic

@robfee: If you laugh at a kid's joke that kid will tell the exact same joke at slightly louder volumes 8,000 times in a row.

@robfee: The best thing to do on New Years Eve is set the microwave timer with the countdown so the first thing that happens that year is Pizza Rolls

@robfee: Here lies Aunt Brenda. Trampled to death on the day after Thanksgiving trying to save $18 on a crock pot. Rest in peace, sweet angel.

@robfee: Fox News: Trump looks strong!
CNN: Hillary should get the win!
MSNBC: If you put a buncha hot dogs in a hamburger bun, is that a sandwich???

@robfee: There's not a day that goes by where I don't think about that Backstreet Boy asking his pals, "am I sexual?" & they're like, "yeah."