Funny Tweeter

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Page of roxiqt's best tweets

@roxiqt : Here is a little money saving tip that I've learned: If you spend all of your money on tattoos, then technically, your money will be with you forever.

@roxiqt: Dating a beekeeper would be stressful because if they called you "honey," you wouldn't know if they were being romantic or if they were just thinking about work again.

@roxiqt: DATE: I want to date someone that is really into nature

MY BRAIN: say you like hiking

MY MOUTH: I'm planning to go off the grid & move into the mountains to become a forest troll soon

@roxiqt: Men love when you forget to wash your make-up off & wake up looking like an adorable raccoon but they don't love when you randomly wake them up with terrifying raccoon noises at 3 AM. Interesting. Very interesting.

@roxiqt: When I was in 2nd grade, a girl in my class had a large pack of crayons. I wanted it. She asked if I would trade her my soul for the crayons. I said yes. But my mom made me trade her back so I could keep my soul & said if I traded my soul away again, I was grounded.

@roxiqt: The most annoying part of making spaghetti is when the noodles are done, so you pour them into the strainer but the holes are too big so you end up with spaghetti all over the inside of your car.

@roxiqt: There is no casual way to ask someone to move in with you. It's a very big step in any relationship. It takes careful planning & excellent timing to figure out how to approach that conversation. That said, it's not impossible to lure a raccoon into your home. In this essay,

@roxiqt: Anyone that breaks up with me gets followed around by a gang of feral raccoons with tiny signs that say "Really?" and "Seriously dude?" for at least, a month.

@roxiqt: If you're single on Valentine's Day, it's not because you're undesirable or unattractive. It's because you didn't take the time to summon a demon & ask it out on a date and that is 100% your fault.

@roxiqt: DATE: My ex was spineless & I don't think I could date anyone like that again

ME, AN OCTOPUS: what