Funny Tweeter

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Page of scott_towel's best tweets

@scott_towel : Convicted of murdering the English language, he was sentenced to death by elocution.

@scott_towel: My childhood left me with unreal expectations about how often I would see pies used as weapons.

@scott_towel: Detective: Did your husband have any enemies, ma'am?
Wife: Well, the cat next door never really liked Jim, and that always seemed a bit odd.

@scott_towel: When the grid crashes and there's no other way of communicating, we'll see whose drum circle is "stupid".

@scott_towel: When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn't have toilet paper with aloe.