Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of shesananteater's best tweets

@shesananteater : One day I'm gonna go to work without my glasses and they're gonna be like, "Who's that hottie?" and I'm gonna be like, "WHO IS SAYING THAT?"

@shesananteater: I need to get a car wash but my dogs' nose smudges on the back window appear to be forming a word so I'm gonna let that play out first.

@shesananteater: My neighbor started mowing his yard at 6am so I opened all my windows and vacuumed because I don't understand how revenge works.

@shesananteater: You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that's older than you.

@shesananteater: Boss: Where'd you go??
Me: I got all the way up front and realized I forgot my pen.
Boss: Okay?
Me: So I went to lunch.

@shesananteater: One day my GPS is gonna say, "You should know this one by now" and shut off.

@shesananteater: Cathy on FB is "feeling annoyed" and is asking why people even own cell phones if they're not gonna answer.

Can I tell her? Pleeease.

@shesananteater: My phone just changed, 'calendar' to 'cake radar' and now I really wish I had that.