Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of shutupmikeginn's best tweets

@shutupmikeginn : Spice things up in a first date by wearing a parachute and refusing to talk about it

@shutupmikeginn: Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon

@shutupmikeginn: While you guys were wasting your time talking about politics I got banned from the Yahoo Answers 'Horse' section

@shutupmikeginn: Ugh I hate living next to an art school I dragged an old couch outside and a bunch of dudes came over and they're just taking pictures of it

@shutupmikeginn: I'm thinking about getting a mirror over my bed so I can watch myself while I'm eating cereal.

@shutupmikeginn: You learn something new everyday. Yesterday I learned eating 29 SlimJims gives me diarrhea. Today I learned eating 28 also gives me diarrhea

@shutupmikeginn: A dog is in my studio apartment and he keeps looking around for other rooms. I wish i was doing a little better too dude !

@shutupmikeginn: Twitter should offer Shkreli his account back for $10,000 and if he agrees say sorry and suddenly raise the price 5600%

@shutupmikeginn: A tall guy in movie theater just sat in front of me and he's on a date so he's going to have good posture the whole time this sucks

@shutupmikeginn: Can't wait for the first bad thing to happen in 2017 so I can post "what is this, 2016?" Ha! Today an on duty seeing eye dog growled at me.