Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of shutupmikeginn's best tweets

@shutupmikeginn : A 5-year-old just asked me if I’d ever heard of algae. You bet I have you little weirdo!

@shutupmikeginn: 0 torches: this is the correct amount for most situations
1 torch: ok if you're exploring a cave
2+ torches: something bad is happening

@shutupmikeginn: My Uber driver just asked if I knew where to buy cocaine and I pretended to think about it a while before saying no, so he’d think I was cool.

@shutupmikeginn: Me: It's cold outside.
Them: It's not cold outside. Not compared to the place i lived which was colder, which I'm about to elaborate on.

@shutupmikeginn: Just saw an eagle swoop down and pick up a baby bunny, so cute when animals are friends!

@shutupmikeginn: I’m not scared of clowns, I’m scared of the man who chooses to become one.

@shutupmikeginn: I think most “Emergeny Exit Only - Alarm Will Sound” doors are bluffing, but I’m too much of a coward to find out.

@shutupmikeginn: If Sherlock is such a great detective why does it take him 90min to solve a crime when CSI detectives do it in an hour minus commercials??

@shutupmikeginn: Just saw IT. Cool movie, but I gotta ask: what was up with that clown?? Killing kids? Not good.