Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of sophielou's best tweets

@sophielou : Inventor of fridge door ice cube dispenser: Let’s consistently surprise them with an extra ice cube that randomly shoots out after they are done filling their glass. *Awkward missed high fives around boardroom table*

@sophielou: Getting fuel at 2am I was so alert to my surroundings- hearing a voice over my shoulder I whipped around to pepper spray gas station tv

@sophielou: This cheap wine tastes like a fine full bodied Capri Sun

@sophielou: Grandma confused about Tide Pods “kids these days eating those podcasts”....

@sophielou: *Watching opening credits -The Winter Olympics in PyeongChang 2018*

Me: "How do you pronounce that?"

Daughter: (Heavy sigh & eye-roll) “OH.LIM.PIKS"

@sophielou: A group of us were talking about running a 5k; some are planning to power walk it, a few are going to jog at a slow pace and I thought I’m going to just skip the whole thing.

@sophielou: If you are ever out in public and you see misbehaved kids running around - start running with them it really brings the nonsense to a halt.

@sophielou: My shetland pony was all black and we called him Midnight. His sister was not quite as dark and her name was Eleven Thirty.

@sophielou: My aunt cuts her name & address label from magazines for fear of the legendary “saw your name & address on a magazine label” murderer

@sophielou: Whenever I hear a helicopter I say "gotta go- there's my ride!"