@stockejock: Misery loves company,
and apparently that's why my parents invite me over every Thanksgiving weekend.
@stockejock: I'm already getting anxious over Christmas due to my Santa Claustrophobia-the fear of being smothered in an elevator by a crowd of Santas.
@stockejock: My mom's favorite part of my birthday is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order.
@stockejock: Grandma, stop asking people what they're supposed to be for Halloween-this is Walmart.
@stockejock: 'Pardon my French' -People who you would never pardon and who don't know any French
@stockejock: Just told my kid her freckles are kisses from angels and she said freckles are actually clusters of concentrated melanin. THANKS NICK JR. :(