Funny Tweeter

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Page of summerofbenny's best tweets

@summerofbenny : "I think this chlorine is healing my anal fissure." - Things not to say in a swimming pool. Apparently.

@summerofbenny: I avoid being photographed at events held at my apartment complex. I don't need someone pointing to a picture and saying,"That's him."

@summerofbenny: Did a little math tonight. Need to do 3,527 hours of cardio to get down to my ideal weight by summer, and not consume any calories.

@summerofbenny: I have a huge gash in my forehead. I'm going to assume I got up in the middle of the night, fought some crime, and went back to bed.

@summerofbenny: I typed 18 beers into my calorie counting app, and it uninstalled itself.