Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of tarashoe's best tweets

@tarashoe : i'd be extra scared if a break-in occurred while i was in the shower and the burglar saw me in there, fully clothed and eatin my soup

@tarashoe: women and their purses! haha what's in there. tampons? lol. WATER? sweater? got sweaters? do you have an extra men's medium sweater in there

@tarashoe: ah, mercury's going retrograde, that explains why i accidentally squandered my entire youth

@tarashoe: oh i'd definitely choose flight over invisibility. i'd fly everywhere! to the living room, the bedroom. back to the living room. everywhere

@tarashoe: gross i hate the word moist! give me a wet cake. give me a wet, damp cupcake

@tarashoe: please sir. i beg of you. don't take away my job. i've got a tuscan kitchen & 2 full baths at home. sir. sir please. my kitchen. it's tuscan

@tarashoe: birds can make their homes in tall treetops and soar at great heights and pigeons are like no thank you i will commute by foot to home depot

@tarashoe: love how during intense moments in space-themed movies they'll show the dashboard panels, as though you'll be like ah. ah i see the issue

@tarashoe: haha remember when you were a kid you'd hide inside the clothes racks at stores. can't do that as an adult. someone's stupid kid is in there

@tarashoe: if i were a cab driver, i'd scream "ROAD TRIP" every time i got a passenger