@thatUPSdude: Her: So, how did you get that scar on your chin?
Me: *flashes back to slipping in the shower* Hunting wild boar.
@thatUPSdude: Niece: Uncle I can't find my Girl Scout cookies?
Me: (slow kicks empty boxes under couch) That's Weird.
@thatUPSdude: Is there gangs where they just go to buffets? I can join that type of gang.
@thatUPSdude: "Eating Clean" means not leaving a scrap behind on your plate right?
Then yes, I "eat clean".
@thatUPSdude: Turns out police dislike it when you slip out of your handcuffs.
Even if you do say "ABRACADABRA" when you do it.
@thatUPSdude: Turns out if your grandmother dies more than 6 times in a year, HR will start to question your request for time off.
@thatUPSdude: I don't believe in mythical creatures like dragons, unicorns, Lock Ness Monster, drama free women.
Just joking, I believe in Nessie.