@thatdutchperson: [runs into friends with baby]

Me: OMG WHO'S THIS LITTLE GUY.

Friends:*picks up baby* wanna hold him?

Me:*kneeled next to dog* what?

@thatdutchperson: My life would have been very different had I done anything with the same intensity as brushing my teeth on the day of a dentist appointment.

@thatdutchperson: [about to message girl he likes]

Me: I should just talk to her like I would anyone else. Be myself. And not act stupid.

Brain: OR

@thatdutchperson: [making flamingos]

God: bird.

Adam: got it.

G: but it stand still a lot.

A: ok..

G: on one leg.

A: how high are you?

G: make it pink.

@thatdutchperson: *strips naked*

"Magic mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"

Cops: he knows we can see him from this side, right?

@thatdutchperson: [first date]

Her: know what you're getting yet?

Me: a burger and one of those coloring menus.

Her: oh, you have a kid at home?

Me: no.

@thatdutchperson: [narrating a commercial for therapy]

"For a 100 bucks an hour we'll blame your mother."

@thatdutchperson: [remodel]

Me: can you please keep that awful noise down?

Contractor: for the last time, sir, we don't control who's running for president.

@thatdutchperson: [Stares deeply into date's eyes before going to the bathroom]
"I've counted these fries."