@thatdutchperson: [date doesn't cry at the beginning of Up]
"I think we should see other people."
@thatdutchperson: When you win a game of monopoly the owner of Hasbro shows up to hand you back the last 36 hours of your life.
@thatdutchperson: [cooking class]
"Did you put your tray in the oven, sir?"
[mouth filled with raw cookie dough]
I can explain
@thatdutchperson: [at the gym]
Me: what does this machine do?
"Sir, that's a bench."
@thatdutchperson: I bet the hardest part of being a server is having to wait until people's mouths are full before asking them how the food is.
@thatdutchperson: [trying to sleep]
Me: ok, just breathe and relax.
Brain: OR WE COULD TRY AND FIGURE OUT THE EXACT MOMENT ALL YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS DIED
@thatdutchperson: [blind date]
Her: so what do you do for fu..
Me: I'M 34 IF YOU DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH ME I'M STATISTICALLY UNLIKELY TO EVER FIND A MATE
@thatdutchperson: Maybe cats always look like they're planning our demise because we keep calling them things like mrs snugglepaws the second
@thatdutchperson: They say that wherever you travel becomes a part of you. So I'm pretty sure I'm 98% living room.