@thatdutchperson: [runs into friends with baby]
Me: OMG WHO'S THIS LITTLE GUY.
Friends:*picks up baby* wanna hold him?
Me:*kneeled next to dog* what?
@thatdutchperson: My life would have been very different had I done anything with the same intensity as brushing my teeth on the day of a dentist appointment.
@thatdutchperson: [about to message girl he likes]
Me: I should just talk to her like I would anyone else. Be myself. And not act stupid.
@thatdutchperson: [making flamingos]
Adam: got it.
G: but it stand still a lot.
G: on one leg.
A: how high are you?
G: make it pink.
@thatdutchperson: *strips naked*
"Magic mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"
Cops: he knows we can see him from this side, right?
@thatdutchperson: [first date]
Her: know what you're getting yet?
Me: a burger and one of those coloring menus.
Her: oh, you have a kid at home?
@thatdutchperson: [narrating a commercial for therapy]
"For a 100 bucks an hour we'll blame your mother."
Me: can you please keep that awful noise down?
Contractor: for the last time, sir, we don't control who's running for president.
@thatdutchperson: [Stares deeply into date's eyes before going to the bathroom]
"I've counted these fries."