@thenoahkinsey: Some are mad Trump won.
Others are mad that the anti-Trumps are mad.
I'm mad that you open up a new bag of chips and it's only 1/3 full.
@thenoahkinsey: I almost accused a 10 yr old of stealing my dance moves but it turns out he just really had to go to the bathroom & didn't know where it was
@thenoahkinsey: If you didn't wanna hear "Baby smell is biology preventing the mom from eating it," you shouldn't have invited me to the baby shower, Carol!
@thenoahkinsey: *forgets Netflix password*
*sends email reset*
*forgets email password*
*sends reset to backup*
20 resets later:
*opens 2nd Netflix account*
@thenoahkinsey: Tried a new flavor from my favorite brand of energy drinks.
It was the 2nd grossest taste I've ever had in my mouth.
(No offense, Andrea.)
@thenoahkinsey: *on a 1st date*
Her:..and I have 3 cats
Me: Swipe left
H: Did you say "swipe left"?!
M: *panicked whisper* swipeleftswipeleftswipeleft
@thenoahkinsey: *therapist writes in pad*
Me: Sometimes I feel like people don't notice me-
Therapist: SHIT! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?
@thenoahkinsey: I don't have a gf, but I do know a woman who in the car often asks where this is going so I show her the GPS & she gets mad for some reason.
@thenoahkinsey: *phone rings*
Luke: WTF VADER'S MY DAD?
L: And you knew & told me to kill him?
Y: Going thru a tunnel I am