@tigersgoroooar: not to get all political on here but i'm pretty sure strawberry and blueberry pop-tarts taste exactly the same.
@tigersgoroooar: waiter: any questions?
me: did courtney kill kurt??
him: uh, about the menu?
me: LOL i seriously doubt she killed him about the menu
@tigersgoroooar: pretty cool how no matter what's going on in the world, a teenager in a Metallica shirt will always look the same no matter what year it is.
@tigersgoroooar: hate when the barista asks "do you want whipped cream?" it feels there are only two answers: "yes please, i'm fat." or "no thanks, i'm fat."
@tigersgoroooar: Killer with knife to my throat: it's ironic how you're about to die in your living room.
Me: actually, that's not really what ironic means.
@tigersgoroooar: Everyone is at the store buying milk and bread to prepare for the snow. I'm buying frozen pizza. Enjoy your milk sandwiches, losers!
@tigersgoroooar: just saw a church sign that says, “santa claus never died for anyone.” and i’m like, “okay well jesus never brought me a barbie dreamhouse.”