Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of tigersgoroooar's best tweets

@tigersgoroooar : pretty cool how no matter what's going on in the world, a teenager in a Metallica shirt will always look the same no matter what year it is.

@tigersgoroooar: hate when the barista asks "do you want whipped cream?" it feels there are only two answers: "yes please, i'm fat." or "no thanks, i'm fat."

@tigersgoroooar: I miss when the most stressful thing about my day was Gargamel.

@tigersgoroooar: Killer with knife to my throat: it's ironic how you're about to die in your living room.
Me: actually, that's not really what ironic means.

@tigersgoroooar: Everyone is at the store buying milk and bread to prepare for the snow. I'm buying frozen pizza. Enjoy your milk sandwiches, losers!

@tigersgoroooar: just saw a church sign that says, “santa claus never died for anyone.” and i’m like, “okay well jesus never brought me a barbie dreamhouse.”

@tigersgoroooar: if you're in a sports bar but don't understand sports just keep repeating the phrase "damn they gotta get him the ball." everyone will agree

@tigersgoroooar: Imagine a hunter in a deer stand but instead of a gun he has a long stick he pokes the deer with and they look around like "ok who did that"

@tigersgoroooar: Online guy: wanna chat I’m 9 inches

Me: i’m 5′8′‘ you would barely reach the middle of my shin how could we hold hands on our wedding day

@tigersgoroooar: If a boy put rose petals all over my bed I’d be like you’re cleaning this up I’m not cleaning this up