@upsidedowntrash: [behind a customer in line at a coffee shop who is taking forever to decide what to order]
me: try the coffee.
Game of Thrones fan: man i just got out of a meeting that was a TOTAL Red Wedding. I thought heads were gonna roll like Ned Starks haha. Oh dont i owe you from lunch the other day? A Lannister always pays his debts! Anyway better bundle up out there, winter is coming LOL!!
@upsidedowntrash: Satan: welcome to your own hell where…
me: is it hot in here or is it just me ;)
Satan:…everyones a comedian.
me: haha i just like to keep it light.
Satan: no, [gesturing around] EVERYones a comedian.
me: oh god
@upsidedowntrash: WIFE: Why do you waste money on useless things?
ME: [scraping the S and H off the side of my new School Bus] Maybe useless to you Sharon
@upsidedowntrash: me:[drinking from a human skull]
him: is that full of blood?
me: don’t be gross [forgetting if his name is Robert or Roger] Robgert.
@upsidedowntrash: "When are you due?"
Insulted, she flashes me a glare and relocates to another seat.
My eyes stay fixed on the library book she left behind.
@upsidedowntrash: [first day in a new house]
Me: [walking around naked] nothing like the freedom of your own home
Ghost who intended to haunt me: goddamnit