Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of whereami18's best tweets

@whereami18 : My kids are really competing for least favorite today.

@whereami18: Make someone's day better by not showing up for work

@whereami18: Saying no thanks to a CW's offer to hit me with their car so I could take the day off proves decisions shouldn't be made before coffee

@whereami18: A woman just asked me to "unpark her car" and now I'm searching urban dictionary to see what I really just agreed to do

@whereami18: My 12 wakes up, showers, changes into another pair of PJ's and starts playing PS4. He has no idea how jealous I am.

@whereami18: I hope my kids love the gifts they receive for Christmas so I'll have more things to take away when I need to punish them

@whereami18: My kids decided to move a piece of furniture to a random spot, I wonder how much it will cost to fix whatever they're covering up

@whereami18: A close talker, a loud talker, and a cougher walked into an elevator to punish me for not hitting the close door button fast enough.

@whereami18: Told my 11 and 8 next time I take their electronics away I'd also be responding to all texts they receive.They've been well behaved since.