Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of wickedimproper's best tweets

@wickedimproper : Interview: "Can you hold scissors?" "yes" "Welcome to SuperCuts"

@wickedimproper: ARUGULA is my favorite vegetable whose name sounds like a car horn from the 50's.

@wickedimproper: Sometimes when I want to make my girlfriend feel skinny, I just release about 25% of her from the air valve.

@wickedimproper: Afghanistan is just a regular ghanistan that's ghanistan af.

@wickedimproper: Day One, living in one of those tiny houses: "Well, isn't this quaint?"

Day Two: Murder

@wickedimproper: Note to the 82 year old widow who won the Powerball jackpot last night:

Sup, girl?

@wickedimproper: Every time "Cops" comes on I'm like "PLEASE don't show my episode."

@wickedimproper: St. Peter: "Spock?"

Leonard Nimoy: "I'm Leonard. Spock was just a character I played on TV."

St. Peter: "HEY EVERYBODY! IT'S SPOCK!"