Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of wickedimproper's best tweets

@wickedimproper : I hate when you lose all that progress you made at the gym by going 6-7 years between workouts.

@wickedimproper: Day One living in a Tiny House: Well, isn’t this quaint?

Day Two: Murder

@wickedimproper: People who say having a dog is nothing like having kids have obviously never been to one of my dog’s piano recitals.

@wickedimproper: Interview:

"Can you hold scissors?"

"yes"

"Welcome to SuperCuts"

@wickedimproper: ARUGULA is my favorite vegetable whose name sounds like a car horn from the 50's.

@wickedimproper: Sometimes when I want to make my girlfriend feel skinny, I just release about 25% of her from the air valve.

@wickedimproper: Afghanistan is just a regular ghanistan that's ghanistan af.

@wickedimproper: Day One, living in one of those tiny houses: "Well, isn't this quaint?"

Day Two: Murder

@wickedimproper: Note to the 82 year old widow who won the Powerball jackpot last night:

Sup, girl?