@marcusparkersol: Using the toilet on the airplane means I'm certified to teach yoga now.
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@DomBorrett: Christmas is becoming more and more commercialised every year. Pushing up prices in every sector This tweet is brought to you by Tesco
@Tw1tter_K1tten: This medicine says I should not operate heavy machinery, so I guess I won't be doing laundry for the next two weeks. Safety first.
@Sarcasticsapien: My favorite parts of the Bible are when Jesus is alone talking to God (himself) and someone who wasn't there is writing about it.
@slimmy_shady: Who the friggin hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere. You just let one into your home and it becomes your cat.