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@MikeLonghelt: Vampire who is obsessed with his diet.
@TaylorVirtue: I opened a door for a girl, but then the crowd flow never stopped so I've been holding this door open for 3 days.
@NicCageMatch: "Hello darkness my old friend."
Darkness: I'm not lending you any money.
@emilymaej: I told my niece if I cut her open she would just be made of chicken quesadillas and she said if she cut me open I'd just be dead. Smart kid.
@shanethevein: My wife is playing hard to get.
@thatUPSdude: Honey I'm home from Costco.
"You didn't buy anything stupid this time?"
[looks outside at kayak strapped to roof rack]