@hughlaurie: Variety is the spice of life, until it comes to shower controls.
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@Sickayduh: I tried to kill a spider by drowning it in douche and now it keeps picking fights with me on social media
@ClichedOut: [campfire] Me: (flashlight to face) "af" didn't exist. Millennials: (gasp) Me: We had to use "adverbs." (one faints)
@KristinHalbrook: Advice for all girls: You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. But you catch the most flies with corpses.