@daemonic3: Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don't realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
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@sploosk: ME: I need to pee really bad TEACHER: can you hold it? ME: probably not. my hands aren't very good at retaining liquid
@ComedicBust: My girlfriend's furious that I bought her The Golden Girls box set for her birthday, but I knew she'd get over it since she's not real.