@Curt__Burt: Very sad to hear about Donald Trump. Nothing happened to him I'm just sad to hear about him
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@mantej: God was truly looking out for me today — I opened a bag of air and found a few Lay’s potato chips inside.
@AndrewChamings: Prank your dog by loosening his collar a bit everyday and googling "shrinking dog syndrome" while he's on your lap
@NJPsychDoc: My stages of drunk: 1. You're UGLY 2. You're HOT 3. You're BEAUTIFUL 4. Your HONOR in my defense......