@DeepDarkFear: "Does this leaf make me look fat?" - Eve.
@jess_stratton: Google. Filling the gaps in public education.
@AndDesist: I accept your apology.
Can I borrow your phone? I need to cancel the hit I put out on you.
@MUMSIEesq: CASHIER: This bag of chips is open
ME: Yup
C: This bag of candy is open
M: Yup
C: This bag of--
M: Look buddy, I know all the bags are open
@Parentpains: When all else fails burn shit, people will forget how much of a failure you are when they see stuff on fire.
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