@Jam453Lane: Vodka doesn't care about your 70's bush...
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@HatfieldAnne: When you offer me cookies, act surprised when I take one. Declare loudly you’ve never seen me eat dessert before.
@dulcetry: I just want to be rich enough where I snap my fingers and 7 people fight over who gets to make me my next grilled cheese.
@shwebby3: Went off roading with my prius but ended up getting stuck on a bonsai tree in neighbor's front yard
@Hellaphantitis: Obama keeps trying to get me to kiss this top secret document from Syria but I keep telling him I'm not the kinda guy who'll kiss intel