@TommyKarate: Wait a second, so violence is an actual resort? That place sounds wonderful.
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@stephenjmolloy: Ian: "I'd like to report my guide dog missing." Cop: "Right. When did you last see him?" Ian: "I've never seen him."
@RandomManik: I stole a seat from an old man and he remarked, "Chivalry is Dead". I said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know. He wasn't even trending on Twitter".
@torrami: Me: I can't live like this anymore, I need to start eating healthier. Also Me: I couldn't decide between nuggets or a burger so I got both.