@anjeanettec: "Wait, it wasn't us? Are you sure?" - Fox News
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@THEPokerWife: After seeing your latest selfie ... And knowing what you look like in real life.... I'd like to hire you for your photoshopping abilities.
@MUMSIEesq: Fun DIY Project Even YOU Can Do Step 1: Flip over empty wine bottle Step 2: Use base as weapon
@FakeDeanAccount: Q: If you could be any animal, which one would you be? A: The drummer from the Muppets, next question.
@Mr_Kapowski: Coworker: I couldn't sleep. Just thinking all night Me: Maybe try doing some of that here in the office during the day