@anjeanettec: "Wait, it wasn't us? Are you sure?" - Fox News
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@briangaar: Hi I'm Charlie Brown, the depressed 10-year-old who can't kick a football. I'd like to talk to you for a second about insurance
@edgarrants: Telling my wife I'm taking her someplace fancy is my way of getting 4 hours to myself while she gets ready.
@_Kim_Jongun: My clothes don't fit anymore. There's only one possibly explanation. America is shrinking my clothes.
@calluptome: Good for you when one door closes & another door opens. For the rest of us that usually means we're in jail.