@anjeanettec: "Wait, it wasn't us? Are you sure?" - Fox News
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@berniethoughts: WHY DO WE ALLOW OTHER COUNTRIES TO TAG THEIR NAME ON TO SOMETHING AND SELL US LIES WHEN THEY DO IT WRONG? CANADIAN BACON? ENGLISH MUFFINS?
@davidkenny100: Pal: my advice for your date is, make her think you're well travelled, girls love it! Later Me: Guess how many buses it took me to get here
@E_Ville13: Nobody suspects that you're digging a grave when you're always working on your landscape.
@Reverend_Scott: "My Ex is amazing in all ways. My Ex is smarter, more successful, and more attractive than I am." - bumper sticker I put on my Ex's car