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@lloydrang: Wait - my gym moved?
@PJTLynch: Sure, I could live a pious life so St. Peter lets me through the Pearly Gates. Or I could just crawl under the gate since IT SITS ON A CLOUD
@briangaar: Hi mom, we shot the new Hobbit movie today. I'm orc #56, the one accidentally wearing a watch. The director was really mad.
@rolldiggity: Throw a pizza down a manhole. Wait five minutes. Throw a grenade down. You just killed the Ninja Turtles.
@BigBagOfScum: Waiter, "Welcome to red lobster, I'm your seafood expert."
me- "did you know octopuses have a beak?"
Me- "who's the expert now?"
@Michael1979: Important notice I stuck on a bench in the park today.