@Tups13: Wait. What? You need two people for sex? What does the other one do?
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@McNarstle: Catch a baby opossum, give it a 12-hr sedative, and hide it in the glove compartment of the car of the person who's dating your ex.
@gringothespice: Have been woken up with the hangover from hell by the sound of my neighbour's lawn mower. He'll just have to mow around me, I'm not moving.
@AimeeHelene1: I miss that time in my life when people asked easy questions, like "What's your favorite color?" or "Where is your belly button?".
@noog: Just heard a little boy call his mom "mother," as if both had already accepted the fact that he'd become a serial killer some day.