@Tups13: Wait. What? You need two people for sex? What does the other one do?
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@tastefactory: *firefighter wraps me in blanket after he rescues me* Um I just came out of a fire so I'm pretty hot actually
@beefman138: Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I'm guessing it's the same place you're going.
@Breadery: I tried to wear skinny jeans but it squeezed all my flesh into the top half of my body and made me look like a novelty balloon.