@RobDenBleyker: Wait, you didn't let me finish. What I was trying to say is Hitler was largely misunderstood by people who don't speak German.
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@VocabuLarry: My favorite Bible stories are where women are villains for things like picking fruit or getting their boyfriend a better haircut.
@santhonythomas: I finally figured out what flies and mosquitoes are for. They're gods way of making us slap ourselves.
@JohnLyonTweets: Her: I want to fulfill your deepest desire. Me: *gives her recipe for my mom's peach cobbler* The crust is the most important part.
@SoulYodeler: Signs your wife is cheating: 1. Weird cologne 2. Emotional distance 3. Late-night abences 4. She introduces you to her boyfriend