@mdob11: [waiting for elevator]
Coworker: Hey, how's it go-
Me: I'll take the stairs.
@yayraptor: interviewer: what is ur weakness?
me: follow up questions
interview: care to elaborate?
me: [quivers with fear]
@ReeseButCallMeV: I wonder if black ants and red ants have beef. I never see them chilling together. Ever.
@SlappNuttz: My children have acquired a keen sense for knowing exactly when I'm about to forget them at a store.
@daemonic3: Some people like instant gratification but I prefer mine brewed slowly from freshly ground gratification beans
@BourbonLuv: That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow...