@SamuelHLowe: *wakes up from a 10 year coma, pretends to be asleep for an extra 5 minutes*
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@kelkulus: I always sleep naked. I don't care if it makes people uncomfortable, they can just switch buses.
@cloudypianos: everything in the world's horrible now not like the good old days of black plague, holocaust, atomic bombs, holodomor, khmer rouge, crusades
@JessObsess: Him: sex tonight? Me: Work put me in a bad mood Him: tomorrow? Me: I have a headache tomorrow
@ehdannyboy: I woke up to my wife fluttering her eyelashes at me. I said, "Ok, what do you want?" She said, "I want you to turn the ceiling fan down."