@ThaJawn: *wakes up from surgery
How did it go?
Surgeon: Good, your nose only lit up twice
@ThisOneSayz: Clearly something went amiss when I said I liked an animal in the bedroom and he showed up with a raccoon.
@LackOfShame: How much longer until we can get pets that are also wifi hotspots?
@MummaCrazy: "Yeah, those black pants are okay. They just need a little something. Hang on.."
[rubs up against your leg] "that's better"
@imadepoopstoday: Bring brownies to work.
Spend the rest of the day asking coworkers, "you feelin anything yet?"
@heytherejeffro: Pretty sure the "FINISH HIM" guy from Mortal Kombat is giving relationship advice to every girl I date.