@ThaJawn: *wakes up from surgery
How did it go?
Surgeon: Good, your nose only lit up twice
@howe007: If Russia prepares for war the way it prepares for the Olympics then we have nothing to worry about.
@jnrbtsn: Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I'd say there's a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
@wallin_monica: My 5y/o just threw a 15 min fit because she doesn't want me to get old. I had to tell her if she took a bath it would help me stay young
@DrinkingatWork: My head feels like something Picasso would have drawn.
@pixelatedboat: Good news, you survived the horrific car crash. Sadly we couldn't find the other guy's arms but we managed to reattach all four of yours