@ThaJawn: *wakes up from surgery
How did it go?
Surgeon: Good, your nose only lit up twice
@bridger_w: Does anybody know what date Easter is this year? And if so, what are you, obsessed with Easter
@SortaBad: If you're in a wheelchair and you say your date stood you up, it's unclear to me whether your night was lousy or remarkable.
@iamfase: Everybody hates Crocs but the company is worth over $2 billion.
Somebody is lying.
@KentWGraham: I’m glad we evolved from apes. If we evolved from chameleons, we’d constantly be walking into each other.
@Home_Halfway: Skywritten letters:
SUSAN I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF MONEY FOR THIS WRITING BUT THIS IS HOW I WANTED TO PROPOSE; WILL YOU MAR