@ThaJawn: *wakes up from surgery
How did it go?
Surgeon: Good, your nose only lit up twice
ME: [slaps table] 50 on red
CROUPIER: Sir that is 50 pictures of Celine Dion
ME: Yes and if I win [grabs him] you owe me 50 more
@badbanana: It's called Taco Bell because Alexander Graham Bell also invented the taco.
@UnicornSyrup: To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.
@FredPollack: I bet the first mohawk was created by a guy trying to even out his sideburns.
@Writepop: "And now it's time for Guess How Many Belly Rubs I Want! Remember, contestants, guess wrong and you get the claws!"
- Cat game shows