@deardilettante: Walking around cemeteries looking at headstones is a great way to come up with baby names.
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@LaziestCanine: Murderer: IM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU Me: wow your hands are so soft Murderer: omg really Me: [caresses his hands] what moisturizer do you use
@IamEveryDayPpl: The real miracle is that the human race still exists after being stupid enough to kill the guy who could turn water into wine... Idiots.
@NoTheOtherJohn: *doesnt stand for national anthem as protest against people who don't stand for national anthem*