@robdelaney: Walking around Houston airport taking iPads from unattended kids. I have 4 so far.
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@Brianhopecomedy: To ensure my wife misses me while I'm away, I changed her text notification to the sound of a door creaking open & message her at midnight.
@pleatedjeans: Best way to get a girl to come home with you is to tell her you own 3 lava lamps seriously what girl wouldn't want to see 3 lava lamps