@robdelaney: Walking around Houston airport taking iPads from unattended kids. I have 4 so far.
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@DurtMcHurtt: Goal as a white guy 1)Pay taxes 2)Never say anything that may come across as racist 3)Find something clever to do with my arms when I dance.
@brunopieroni: Does WebMD ever just say "you're fine, there's nothing wrong with you, go play outside you drama queen?"
@Sean_Burgundy_: Waitress: Would you prefer your order with a side of fries or salad? Me: Would you prefer your tip with cash or advice?