@weinerdog4life: Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
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@imteddybless: my cousin's baby is due tomorrow & my grandma keeps checkin her phone for news. waitin for the baby 2 text her like "im here lol. from baby"
@kumailn: "I bet all those murders are done by that hooded guy whose always running around rooftops w 17 weapons on him."-Nobody in Assassin's Creed
@thatdutchperson: Someone rang my doorbell twice this morning, so I guess I'm having lunch behind the couch.
@SamGrittner: *job interview* "Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Mirrors, puddles of water. Basically anything with a reflective surface."