@weinerdog4life: Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
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@daneZie: *gets caught breaking into used car lot* *desperately attempts to blend in with inflatable arm flailing tube men*
@PaperWash: If your online dating profile says "I don't have sex on the first date" then that's why you're on a dating website.
@trevso_electric: "Smells fresh. Like a tropical island." "Ok. Now take off the blindfold! Your family's been dead in this car for a week! We Febrezed it!"