@weinerdog4life: Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
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@TheSnideOne: What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?" What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."
@Iwriteforcats: I'm gonna leave this world just like I came in, dawg! "Yo, for sure. Kickin and screamin!" Nah, brah. On a giant spaceship.
@TheBoydP: My wife asked me if I was going to take a shower before we go to some friend's house for the evening like she didn't see me get in the pool.