@ThatRascalPuff: Wanna be like jesus, walk on a cucumber, its 98% water, so you're 98% jesus
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@BringDaNoyz: I was at a Hanukkah party at my uncle's house and one of my cousins was like, "hey look it's bitcoin" and held up a piece of gelt that he'd taken a bite out of
@SirEviscerate: Ugh, I'm starting to regret getting bangs. "You don't have bangs." Wait, what's that thing you get when a bat bites you? "Rabies?" That's it
@causticbob: I saw a sign that said "Watch for children" I thought to myself "That sounds like a fair trade"
@trojansauce: [after moving into a haunted house] *setting up potters wheel* OH NO WHO WILL HELP ME LEARN POTTERY *sitting in silence for 40mins*