@lecalabara: Wanna know the secret to a good marriage? Sleep. Cant do anything wrong while sleeping. Unless you talk in your sleep, then youre dead.
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@stephenjmolloy: Cop: "You have one call - make it important!" *phone* Me: "I've been arrested for making prank calls." Man: "Who is this?" Me: "Hugh Jass."
@brianbowman73: I heard you like bad boys? *jumps in pool after eating without waiting an hour* Sup.
@JessObsess: [Starbucks] What can I get you? I'll have a large coffee, black "You don't have to say black" I'll have a large coffee, African American
@realHamOnWry: There's a difference between when a woman is furious and when she's irate. It's the difference between sleeping on the couch or in a casket.