@TheOnlyMANiC: Imagine Putting £5 worth of fuel in your car and your cars like "well, since we're both being childish" And refuses to open the door.

@JustDontBugMe: Job: something you do to make enough money to buy three avocados at one time.

@carlyken: I'm trying to teach my toddler how to headbang but he's pissed because he wants a bottle. I told him to save that anger for the mosh pit.

@ddsmidt: Familiarity with a stranger might mean they're an old soul you knew in a former life. But it's more likely a sociopath. ~Inspirational

@brynnester: Bank Robber: EVERYONE STAY STILL & RAISE YOUR HANDS Me: How can we ‘stay still’ & also raise our hands? Other Bank Robber: He’s right Colin