@canadasandra: Wanna know what it's like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
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@murrman5: [at divorce lawyer] bad news, currently all your husbands assets are frozen "he didn't" he bought 1547 copies of it, he must really hate you
@SteveSuckington: Sure, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but they won't have sex with you either.
@teenpuke: *cute person sends me a selfie* *tries 897285623895 times to take a cute selfie to send back to them*