@DaHess1: Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
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@Canadian_Cutie_: My voicemail greeting: Its 2016, please hang up and text me before the beep so I don't get a notification.
@UNTRESOR: The average time it takes for an elderly woman to get her ringing cellphone out of her purse is 11 days.
@myconfusedface: Me and be Jealous?... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ... Who is McDonald's and why are you 'lovin it'?
@DestineyLynn: *Closes refrigerator door and hears contents inside fall* Well... sounds like a problem for the next person.