@briancthayer: Wanna up the awkward while standing in line? Turn around while you wait.
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@ImABaconDonut: 5: I went potty. Me: Did you remember to wipe this time? 5: No. Me: Why? 5: It's faster my way. I don't know how to counter that argument.
@EyeSeeYou619: Having a bummer day? Here's an out of context Spider-man comic book scene that made me laugh.
@FredPirollo: "Sir can I ask you why you're smoking TWO huge cops?" Blunt, i'm *turns to camera* Doing this tweet wrong *Blunt just stares in confusion*