@NikkiGlaser: Want to annoy the man in your life? Pronounce MMA "mama".
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@SteveSuckington: [talking to daughter's art major boyfriend] "You know who else had a pointy beard? Satan."
@tastefactory: I don't go on Facebook much so Dave, if you're seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year's party, hope you had fun dude.
@AnOrangeSNES: [Standing still for a picture] I guess you can say I'm *turns around for a second and the camera goes off* not good at posing for pictures.
@Trudacious: You should ask her if she gained weight. That way she knows you're paying attention to her.