@NikkiGlaser: Want to annoy the man in your life? Pronounce MMA "mama".
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@kellyoxford: Web MD is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book where the ending is always cancer.
@EhhBartt: I RT a bunch of awesome stuff. nnBecause its funny. And I needed to hide my tweets from last night.
@drhappyknuckles: Doctor: Ted, you're dying, Patient: My name's not Ted. Doctor (checking clipboard): Linda, you're pregnant.