@JustEnduring: WANTED: Someone to have my babies and carry on my family name. No strings attached. You can even keep the kids.
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@JayCee302: A cute girl with brilliance is the best thing in the world that doesn't have cheese on it Wait couldn't I just put the che Mother of god
@SteveSuckington: [comes home from store] Wife: [shaking her head] Let me guess... earmuffs were on sale? Me: [wearing 17 pairs of earmuffs] WHAT?
@Kyle_Lippert: *plugs my phone in to charge when it's at 80%* *lets the low battery warning on my fire alarm beep for 6 months*
@Jake_Vig: HER: [walks in wearing lingerie] See anything you like? ME: I don’t think that will fit me.