@pondermymaker: *washes your smart car with a moist towelette*
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@Jay_FrickinLynn: M: If I cashew looking through my windows agai- H: What? M: I saw you pecan! H: No, I wasn- M: You're macadamian me mad. H: You're nuts.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: "Yeah, well your dog isn't a rescue, your snacks are processed and everyone knows you're vaccinated" - how a kid talks shit in 2015
@Wtftab: I've got a bag full of stick figure stickers, and when I see an SUV I add random dudes to their families.
@david8hughes: [in the ambulance] Paramedic: what's your blood type? Me: whatever. I'm not fussy