@pondermymaker: *washes your smart car with a moist towelette*
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jctwritesstuff: So let me get this straight. A dude comes back to life after three days and no one cuts his head off?
@LaziestCanine: Wife: we need to improve our home Me: agreed Wife: remodeling the kitchen should be top priority Me: [crosses out "get more dogs"] obviously
@dumbbeezie: My doctor is always whispering to me something about not sticking Q tips in my ears. I need a louder doctor
@SteveAmiri: July 5th, 1776: The day the British drunk-texted America and said they still loved them.