@KalvinMacleod: If you would have told me 20 years ago that I'd be posting stupid jokes on the internet, I would have said what's an internet.

@Steven37366100: HR: We’ve noticed a substantial amount of office supplies missing recently. Me *wearing a 3-piece suit made of Post-It notes*: That’s odd

@samir: horse: is ur name liam liam neeson: yea? horse: lol i know u we worked together on a different movie liam neeson: does anybody else hear this horse talking to me

@AnOrangeSNES: *Hands girl a card that says Be Mine* Girl: Aw that's so sweet *Pulls out a pickaxe* Me: Come on, do it I need some iron ASAP lady!

@mikefossey: police also found a small bag of weed weighing 95 lbs. Some would call it a large bag but to me, the coolest reporter alive, its no big deal