@robyn_vo: Watched the movie Gravity tonight. Didn't see as much gravity as I expected. Two thumbs down based on that.
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@SenatorBigfoot: "How's Mason doing?" Ugh, he's going through this emu kid phase. "Don't you mean emo kid?" *boy covered in feathers runs past* I wish.
@OldSpookMan: A homeless guy asked me "would you give me $5 for a sandwich?" I said "I don't know man, show me the sandwich first."
@briancthayer: [exchanging vows] HIM: I'll love you forever. HER: I'll love you until you leave me a voicemail. HIM: Wait, what?! PRIEST: No, that's fair.