@NinjaSweatpants: Watching cooking shows makes you realize how much forehead sweat is possibly in your food
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@Spaziotwat: [Hospital] Doctor:"...and so the baby is fine." Me:"And my wife?" Doc:"I'm afraid she's critical" Me:"I know! But how is she?"
@LaurenRP: I went outside without makeup on. A child cried and I think a bird flew into a window on purpose.
@ojedge: [packing for holiday] WIFE: U don't have to only put suits in a suitcase ME: [putting underwear in briefcase] I don't make the rules Karen