@lilgapeach32: Water is good for you? I call bullshit. My phone drank some one time and guess what? IT DIED!
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@Underchilde: When couples tell me they're taking their relationship to the next level, I just assume they’re gonna start throwing cutlery at each other.
@LordofScribble: Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Slap a man with the same fish and the video will go viral in under 48 hours. #Truth
@heidiknits: Just had a 9 minute argument with The Boy over why he needs to change his underwear this morning. Don't forget your birth control, friends.