@lilgapeach32: Water is good for you? I call bullshit. My phone drank some one time and guess what? IT DIED!
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@thedailymarker: Ladies, if all he does is make you cry then maybe you're dating an onion and not a man.
@Tmoney68: If you didn't get called to a meeting with your 5-yr-old son's principal because he was inviting girls to his "naked party," you aren't me.
@dafloydsta: [bankruptcy court] JUDGE: Didn't you do any financial planning? ME: *lips pressed on mic* Yes, your Honor, I was planning on having finances
@marebytes: I have a fantasy that a big strong man shows up at my door, comes in unannounced & slowly, quietly & methodically renovates my bathroom