@lilgapeach32: Water is good for you? I call bullshit. My phone drank some one time and guess what? IT DIED!
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@Reverend_Scott: [job interview] What's ur greatest strength? "I wear too much cologne" No, I mean- "A lady legit passed out when I got in the elevator"
@Fred_Delicious: [On date] Her - "so your profile said you like classical music? I love Mozart & Bach, how about you?" Me - "Jurassic Park theme"
@peachesanscream: To find out your cat name, pick any name at random and refuse to answer to it.
@Brampersandon_: If I had a nickel for every time I had a nickel I would just continue getting nickels until I had all the nickels.